I dreamt that I died.

And I didn't even realise it until someone told me so.

Weird dreams I have.

I'm still having really bad sore throat.

Cal's sister just gave birth. Cal's an uncle again.

Chatted with Daryl's GF on MSN last night. T'was fun.

I'd like to see Cal's Priority List.

I wonder what it's like.

I have no priorities.

Why does baby smell like something burnt in his mouth today?

I had a nightmare.

I dreamt that I picked up smoking.

I woke up feeling so fucking disgusting and dirty.

Like I'd done the worse thing a person could ever do.

I'm in pain and I can't sleep.

Grandpa, I miss you...

In utter pain.

Feels like stomach flu. Except the pain is isolated on the left side of my tummy. I don't know what it is...

Puked, yet still in pain.

Was it the mutton curry I had for lunch this afternoon, or was it the burger I ate at Wendy's?

I had Casuarina Curry at Pierce Reservoir this afternoon with Uncle before a short walk at Upper Pierce Reservoir.

Nice place to relax. Very beautiful.

Cal doesn't know how to take care of me.

We went for movie after work. Little Fockers was very funny.

Had Wendy's for dinner. Pain came right after finishing the Cheesy Burger. =/

Cal made me walk home in heels from the MRT station. I was in so much pain I literally curled into a ball in the middle of the road.

He doesn't seem to know what to do with me. WTF.

The last time I had stomach flu, Jabie threw me into a cab to the door step of the 24 hour clinic near his place for a jab.

Maybe it's the vadai I had from Casuarina curry.

I think I'm back in the game.

=D

FML.

Stabbed my own finger with my unfiled nails.

Had lunch with Cal today, since he was on leave.

I think I just made him a very happy boy. Cuz his text messages started ending with " :3" and "<3".

LOL.

I rule.

The entire day was spent with Cal, and every moment was good.

Was really late for church, cuz I was really tired and couldn't seem to wake myself up.

Anyway, we had lunch with Cal's sister after service, and walked to Bugis for karaoke with Uni mates at TopOne.

Fun!

Realised that lots of them have very good singing voice. I can't sing for nuts.

Went shopping around Bugis street after singing, and Cal went to buy a box of very expensive durian. The Lao Beng tending the stall claimed that it was Mao Shan Wang, and Cal paid $68 for it.

But when the Tormentors tasted it, they told him that it was what he paid for. WTF.

I'd felt that the box of durian was too expensive, but he had insisted on the purchase.

T_T

But the flesh was good enough. At least it wasn't lousy.

Had some red wine with the durian, although such a combination could possibly cause nose bleeds, but the Father Figure insisted.

No nose bleed. All clear. =p

Tormentors sent Cal home after the Queen Bitch made it clear to Cal that I'm BANNED from stayovers.

Pfft.

I finally cut my nails.

2011...

A New Year with no cause for cheer.

On NYE, found out that Cal was too busy tackling other girls online to visit me while I was sick, asking her out for "FUN".

It's obvious what it means, I have no need to spell it out.

I felt thoroughly disgusted.

I can safely say that I no longer have any trust in him, and he will have to earn it back.

If he wants to play this game, I will play it with him. He'll never realise what hit him until it's too late.

Except for now, I'll just warn him. I'm not going to play the old game, unless push turns to shove.

Beef Cakes is back from the Himalayas. I hope the exodus has done him some good. Hehs.

I really wonder how this relationship is going to work out without trust.

Right now, I'm just being very open and candid to him about everything while he continues trying to hide and stow away his dirty little deeds bit by bit.

You can hide, but you'll never be able to escape from facing your deeds.

I'm quite pissed. I've been extending to him the option to break up so that he may continue with his old ways but he has continued to come back irregardless.

.

Sometimes, I really wonder what the fuck is he trying to achieve by screwing around with me.

When push turns to shove, you'll wish you never knew me...

ANYWAY, I spent New Year's Day with him, sleeping from 6am till 6pm, having emotional sex with random outburst of tears and orgasms, though in an emotional state, the sex wasn't any good.

Made baked pasta for dinner with the leftovers from last night, and it was delicious! Had some Otah and Carlsberg while watching TV, and things kinda felt nice and normal until some clichéd lines from some random movie spoilt the mood.

My faith in a long lasting and trustworthy relationship has been pretty much ruined since being with Cal.

Absolutely, Utterly Jaded.

I wonder under what miracle will it ever be revived again, this faith.

I can only go on a step at a time, hoping for things to work out.

Is this love worth fighting for?