Lacking the reaffirmation in life. Not sure if I'm doing anything right. I feel lost. Grieving still, from the death of grandma. I've suddenly lost the purpose of my life. No drive. No motivation. It's a step downhill from here.
Financially, it's a mess. This marriage. This 'life together' is just a stupid arrangement of red tapes and fucked up superstitions.
I have to work to bring home the bacon. Simply because he's not bringing home enough. I hate it. I hate this fact.
I need time to grieve. But I'm not given time to grieve. And now I'm just left here hanging and feeling half fucked.
I've dreamt about grandma so many nights. But no one to tell it to. No one to console me over my loss. Not even my own husband.
This deep sense of loss.
God. Where do I move from here? Career wise I'm dispassioned. At interviews I jinx it by saying the wrong things. Hoping I won't get it. And when it happens I curse myself and throw myself in doubt of my ability.
Every day I feel dead. A lifeless zombie.
