Stress

Crying myself to sleep because I'm feeling extremely miserable in a sexless marriage.

Why go through with fertility treatments if we don't even fuck?

I just do not understand. Why must I get all the blame for everything when I've been trying so hard?

It's pointless.

And I feel helpless.

So what's the point in me going for Fertility Treatments when we do not ever have sex?

What's the use of us pretending everything is fine when the fact is he's not even interested in me?

I'm so God damn tired of talking about it to him and explaining it to relatives that I've truly given up trying.

Doesn't help that the Mother In Law is a Buddhism Fanatic who believes one shouldn't have too much sex and only fucking on a certain calculated date is allowed, YET expects a baby to pop out.

Call me Mother Bloody Mary if I ever immaculately conceive a child this way.

I don't know how long this marriage will last but I'm losing faith daily.

Feeling disappointed.

WAS looking forward to a Jaguar for my wedding car.

Guess I'll just have to settle for a Vintage Old British Beetle,

I'm very concerned about the leg space, considering my gown is really big and long.

At least it's one thing settled.

We've been searching for places to adopt a pet. I finally realise why people would rather buy a pet from a Pet Shop than adopt.

Because the adoption process takes too god damn long. Way longer than expected. From the initial interview to re-homing, it has taken us 2 months so far.

And we still have no pet in sight. It doesn't help that first time pet owners are given the stink eye and discouraged from owning a pet.

I mean, come on. We're willing to take a pet and give it a good home while making more space for your shelter and here you are, getting all judgy?

Sigh.

Someone restore my faith in humanity please.

Eagerly awaiting the day to bring a bunny home. We've been cage building and I can't wait to adopt a bunny.

*Excited dance*

25th April might be the day I get to choose.

Pests.

It's not the first time that I've blocked him but you know,  like pests, they just keep reproducing themselves.

And like a determined pest exterminator, I'm very much ready to go burn his house down, IF his family hasn't declared bankruptcy and sold the house, that is.

Because there is such a thing as Karma and from what I've heard,  she's a bigger bitch than anyone else. :)

My trusty Samsung S4 took a dive in the toilet bowl after the festivities of CNY. The husband was very nice to buy himself a new Note4 and gave me his crusty S4, which was acquired at the same time as my S4. Though mine took a few tumbles in the toilet, his phone was somehow dirtier than mine was. It has permanent brown stains at the rims of his phone.

Yuck.

He had set it up for me and transferred most of my previous apps into his old phone for my use, but the settings are all messed up and I'm not looking forward to personalizing it any further because my line will be up for renewal in 2 week's time!!

AND I'M HOPING TO GET MYSELF A NEW PHONE!

I don't really care which Samsung it is, I just want a new, clean phone with no crusty bits.

Maybe a Samsung Edge. Something white and clean.

PLEASE. 

9I need sex. LOADS OF IT.

But I'm starved of it.

After 1 year of no Menstruation,  I finally got it during the CNY period.

I can think of so many puns related to red and Chinese New Year...but I shall not flood this post with it.

:D

9 days of heavy bleeding, tiredness and 40cm sanitary pads later, I do not miss my period whatsoever. I only need it to conceive and make a baby which my husband is ever so unwilling to make with me.

I don't know how to feel. It's very unfortunate of me to marry him and then realise that he has changed his mind on kids.

I probably will never have kids with him. :(

Our traditional wedding is coming. But I'm already so tired of planning, I've totally run out of steam.

I just want to find my pretty dresses and get it over with.

Chasing peace

I've been making red packet lanterns these past few days, after the mother in law gave me 3 big bags of red packets.

Completed 2 yesterday and gave one to the QB. She liked it. Hung it on the ceiling fan in the living room and it spun slowly in a pretty rotation.  I like the way it spins.
😍

I went for a SG Wifey meet up last Friday and met some of the SG wifeys.

A haggle of woman makes a market. We drank and bitched at Brewerkz and I've never heard so much gossip my whole life.

Lol.

I really need to get out of this depressive mood I've been in for the longest time.

I've really lost my mojo and most days I can't even make myself get out of bed. I'm tempted to delete my WhatsApp and go incognito save for this old blog.

Ugh

When you're so heartbroken

How shattering and painful it is, to be given a death sentence.

To be told that I can never have a child of my own.

The news came as a shock and the impact too great to absorb.

I felt my heart sink. And then sadness. I tried to contain it. Afterall I had a long day before me.

I tried to swallow my sadness. A plate of gnocchi. A hot chocolate. A double chocolate cake. A banana crumble. Truffle fries.

But I just couldn't.

I still had to meet Shirley. She didn't understand my pain. She didn't try to either. I didn't expect her to. Afterall, she has no problems.

But the sorrow ate me up as the news sank in. We went to my parent's place for dinner and while waiting I sat alone and tried to calm myself. I played some Candy Crush. Every swipe I made, the sadness ate me up more. Hot salty tears flowed. And it wouldn't stop.

2 days of crying. And I've settled into this depressive cycle.

Daryl doesn't want to be anywhere near me. He can't handle my sadness. Even with his swollen eyes, he insists on going to work.

Just to avoid me.

It's a New Year!

The past year has not been a very good year for me. With the death of my beloved Grandma, I sank into a deep depression. Overcome with sadness, I lost my motivation.

I stopped working, stopped blogging, stopped interacting and socialising. Going out and meeting people became increasingly hard for me. Most days, I would stay home and craft (beading, cross stitching , blinging items and making miniatures, etc) the entire day.

I became a total recluse. And till this day, I still find it hard to meet up even with old friends and be as carefree as I was.

A heavy distrust and doubt holds me back.

No longer do I trust a person at face value. I seem to over analyse everything during social meetings and doubt the intentions of people.

But then again, maybe I've always been this way.

Anyway, I finally got married and it has been 5 months since we've moved out to live together.

The house has been in a semi state of mess. Because Daryl sees no need to unpack and keep all his purchases immediately and loves throwing it around the house and I do not have a decent work top for my craft projects.

I hate the mess. And I absolutely hate his whining.

I may bitch a lot but I sure as hell don't whine everyday.

ARGH AND I WAS MEANING TO BLOG SOME POSITIVITY.

OK POSITIVE THINGS.

1. WE HAVE A RENT FREE CONDO TO LIVE IN. THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL MOTHER IN LAW WHO IS MORE WONDERFUL THAN MY OWN MOTHER.

2. I AM NOT FORCED TO WORK NOW. SO I AM VERY BLESSED TO BE A TAI TAI. HALLELUJAH THANK YOU LORD FOR FULFILLING MY WISH.

3. I HAVE A NICE BALCONY GARDEN WITH FRESH HERBS OF BASIL, ROSEMARY, SPRING ONIONS, MINT, SCREWPINE, PARSLEY, GREEN BEAN AND TOMATO.

4. I GET TO DO MY MINIATURES AND ASSORTED CRAFT ITEMS DAILY.

5. MY HUSBAND LOVES ME A WHOLE LOT.

6. WE STILL HAVE A CAR. THOUGH WE WILL BE SCRAPING IT IN APRIL. :(

7. WEDDING IS IN MAY AND WE ARE BLESSED!

OK POSITIVE NOTE TO END THIS!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!