Singapore isn't safe anymore.

Supper at Ho Kee Pau turned awry last night when a fight broke out between a bunch of PRC looking men and some Hokkien Uncles.

We were seated and ordering our food when their fight from across the road was brought into the shop.

Chairs were thrown at each other and one of them young punks pushed the older man into the shop and right into the back counters. Punches were thrown.

And then our porridge came. Daryl was happily stirring his porridge, oblivious to the ongoing fight. LOL. He was very hungry. I was too. But with the fight happening right in front of my eyes, I was distracted from my century egg porridge with minced meat. 

Just then, from behind him, the marble table top in shop was flung over.The impact smashed the marble top into smithereens. Everyone in the shop started to scatter while a small crowd formed around the fracas. We jumped from our seats and abandoned our hot porridge for safety at the edge of the shop. The fight was happening in front of the shop. We couldn't run anywhere else.

That was when one of the punks grabbed a pair of scissors from behind the counter and stabbed the older man in the tussle. Blood was everywhere.

He stumbled, ran, and fell onto the middle of the road. Cars screeched to a halt. I was in utter shock. The older man held onto his sides in shock as his gang grabbed him and dragged him away from the crime scene.

I called the police. Angry and hungry.

In the end we had to order takeaway from Swee Choon instead of Ho Kee Pau after dissuading Daryl from trying 126 Dim Sum. I didn't feel comfortable eating around Geylang after that fight in Aljunied which I later found out was Geylang Lor 27.

I still want my Ho Kee Pau.

Advertorial: Nail Addict.

Rara opened a new located at My Village, Serangoon Gardens, Level 1. a parlour, and she offered to do my nails to try out her new nail services and range of gelish polishes by AngelPro Gelly Polishes. Not only did the shades look really pretty, their gelish when done and cured under the LED lamps smell absolutely delicious! Like bubble gums and candy!

Omg. I can't help smelling my nails like some sick pervert! So tempted to lick them too! LOL.

Rara did up the salon really nicely with candy colours to match her nice smelling polishes. And them chairs. Not just boring seats. But massage chairs with multi massage functions!

I was enjoying a nice massage while having my nails done by her polite manicurist who did an awesome job designing and matching my requests!

Rara did the crystal designs for me and they turned out really pretty! And did I mention that she is giving a 10% discount ON TOP of her current promotional prices because I am such a nail fanatic, it's just selfish if I don't share my great experience with my readers!

Don't say Bo Jio, here's the promotion! Quote "Buttie" & get 10% off all nail services on top of promotional prices!

Nail Addict is located at My Village, Serangoon Gardens, Level 1.

My life feels empty.

I don't like my job. Don't like working with people. Leave me alone.

*curls in foetal position*

Honours.

I finally achieved my dreams of getting an honours degree.

A second lower is really not bad, considering that fact that I was in class drinking at the back of the classroom half the time. And hitting the clubs right after class, every night, for 2.5 years of my University education.

I'm happy that I've achieved it.

Today, we went down to HDB to sign our lease agreement. In a few days time, our CPF will be deducted for the downpayment of our 4 room flat.

Finally a place to call my own.

I'm happy and excited. Can't wait for the house to finally be built and ready to move in. I've been flipping Home design magazines and looking through design ideas. (I'm past the Bridal Shopping phase. It's too expensive and way too stressful to think and anticipate for it to happen since D won't be proposing anytime soon.)

Pretty unhappy work wise. I'm to used to working alone without any bossy supervision that I'm pretty unhappy with the fact that the Assistant manager is a pouty and pushy bitch. I much prefer the manager.

She seems more tame and nice. But it has only been less than a week.

Honestly, I don't like being pushed around. I don't mind being assigned work. But not at such a phase where I'm not even given any time to adapt. Fucking hell seriously.

It's only a bloody 6 months contract and I can't wait for it to end already.

No happiness in the job front. None at all.

Getting very depressed and suicidal. While being a fresh graduate should be a supposed awesome feeling, I don't feel it at all. The fact that I'm still jobless because I haven't found a job I want and that I have no motivation nor desire to face anyone and deal with their bullshit isn't helping either.

Maybe I shouldn't be doing HR. Maybe I should do something more creatively engaging.

But what should I do?

:-/

Wish I had someone to advice. 

He does not stand up for me. I don't feel protected.

Budget planning. Not worth a second thought?

It feels like I'm forcing things my way with the pushing of a wedding budget. I suppose the fact that the BTO flat will not be ready until 2016 just means that we have 3 long years to do things slowly. But he doesn't realize that 3 years isn't a very long time to do the necessary research to come out with a wedding budget.

It's upsetting.

He doesn't realize that a wedding venue has to be booked a year in advance, a wedding dress custom made takes a year of fittings to get right and a wedding in Singapore takes years to save up for.

I know in my heart he is the one. That even if Eileen throws a bunch of pilots in my face, I wouldn't waiver, even if a future teller told me he would be wheel chair ridden for the next half of his life, or that I'll risk getting defective babies with him, or getting his Hepatitis should we sex. 

I don't give a shit if these happened. Be side I love him. 

But I wish he knew these facts. The fact that we live in Singapore and that nothing is cheap except labour, and that if he has no intention of planning ahead with me, we'll be stuck scrambling for an event that will only happen once in a lifetime for most. (Ok, maybe 50%, due to rising divorce rates and Muslim marriages.) 

He doesn't realize that it's every girl's dream to have a perfect wedding and for that one day feel like a princess. (Ok, I don't want to be a Princess. I want to be Queen.) 

Sigh.

I'm not a stick pole size 0. I can't possibly fit into a rental gown. Customization would prolly have to be done. I don't want to risk looking like a meat dumpling and have pictures taken looking like one that I'll have to hang in my room till the day I die.

:(

I know I haven't found a new job. But that takes time. He said it himself that he would rather I find the right job and be happy than the wrong one and get depressed all over again. But he doesn't realize that he's the one depressing me. Pushing and nagging me to find a job while I'm doing my crucial last paper. 

I wish I had someone to guide me career wise. I'm so phobic of working for SMEs. Bad experiences scare me.

I just want to hide in a cave and never come out.

Depression eats me.

We have finally found our BTO flat. After a few long month's wait, it is finally ours!

I was so afraid that we wouldn't be able to get the unit of our choice after the disappointment of losing Compassvale Mast due to the ridiculous numbers of applicants.

=/

But at least we got Rivervale Delta,which isn't too bad, with nearby amenities for us in the future.

The stress of having to keep working just to support this pathetic little box that we call home is crazy.

I'm happily jobless and enjoying the last few weeks of my freedom as a student before I start my new job search with (finally!) a degree.

It's a tick off my to do list soon.

=)

Renovation costs seems crazy now. I'll have to do more research in this area and start planning our future.

I just wish he will work towards this goal with me. His slack nature makes me panic a million times more sometimes because I'm afraid he has no idea how major this is. 

It's now all about the money. 

And I'm still waiting for my dream ring...

I'm not looking forward to me impending joblessness. But I can't stand working in this negative and volatile environment any further.

It is taking it's toll on me emotionally, physically and mentally.

Having to go through the entire interview process again in this job search is a drag. Especially the need to dress up and impress when I'm now 75kg and not losing any weight is shitty.

More so without appropriate interview clothes, because my 60kg clothes no longer fit my 75kg frame.

And the fashion these days. Have you seen the sizes stocked on those racks?!

Size zeroes. Size fours.

It screams "Anorexia"!

I look forward to being jobless and slimming down in my free time while trying to get myself back into the right frame of mind.

Mentally, I'm spent and wrecked from my foray last year into the financial industry and the bullshit of this company.

I am, more than ever, determined to work in a MNC. With structure, procedures and processes.

SMEs with no regards for the law can crumble for all they want. I want no part in their lawless ways.

Yes, that's what I'll do.

I may be very down financially, but what's new. I've been poor all along. And when you're down all the time, the only way now is up.

(My optimism is but short-lived. See me cry and bitch when my money runs out.)

Alone.

So much thoughts in my head.

My entire body's aching from tension and stress.

Can't seem to rest enough anymore.

So sick of work. So sick of mundane life.

Can't seem to find other joy when I'm
alone. And recently I can't seem to find anything to talk to him about without him asking me to stop complaining.

So I stopped talking. And my unhappiness builds up.

And then very soon I'll start resenting the fact that I'm around him.

As it is, work hasn't been very appreciative of my contributions.

I'm just no good at sucking up to someone I don't respect as a person.

I wish my life had more life to it than this daily grind. I miss clubbing and people watching.

I miss that lively vibe. And the stupidity and thrill of drunk adventures.

Very much.

Changes.

Joanne is quitting after her maternity leave. Edwin is leaving in April.

Aisyah can't take the pressure of being a leader. I've volunteered myself more than once but perhaps I'm not good enough or too new in the company to take over the entire department.

I saw Timothy at Bishamon today during dinner. He said his firm is hiring.

Perhaps.

Maybe.

But in a crisis, there lies opportunity.

I'll hang in there. Because its damn near house.

Conundrum

He quit cigarettes. I can't quit alcohol. I'm abstaining. But I think about it night and day.

But I simply refuse to drink alone. (I have many bottles at home collecting dust.)

If only I could turn back time to the day when I was 21. On my birthday. At the beach with my bitches drinking and bitching till the wee mornings. Dating the Chindian boyfriend and not giving a fuck to what everyone thinks. Getting tattoos. Being carefree.

Those days are long gone. Age has caught up. Stopped clubbing. Stopped bingeing. Started planning more. Started stressing and worrying.

Degeneration.

When a brain is stressed for a long period, it shrinks. My brain is shrinking. My hair has gone 30% white.

I'm only 25.

This sucks. It sucks to grow up. It sucks to have to act like a perceived grown up.

And yet I simply refuse to let myself go freely.

I'm a self made prisoner.

Which is stupid. But the society views others on how we behave outwardly.

Superficial. I can't even let my boyfriend's parents know of my tattoos. And that's superficially stupid. His colleagues judge when they see my body art. But to be honest what is on it doesn't reflect who I really am inside.

Shitty Society we live in.

I liked the fact that this company I work in now doesn't judge us on what's on our skin because he is equally painted. But humans are still superficial. I covered up for work the first couple months I worked there and he thought I was rude to stare at his arms when we first met. To be honest, I wanted to know of his stories. Sadly, I never got the chance to do so to date.

I'm glad that I have Daryl with me now. But I don't think I can ever live a conventional life since being conventional isn't my thing. Never was and never will be.

Lord, please be my guide and let me know my next step in this confusing and frustrating times. I need to relax. Amen.

Love and marriage.

He has to be the sweetest and most caring man I've ever met. I love him so much my heart bursts with joy when I think of the little things he do for me.

His gestures means a lot to me.

D, I'm sorry if I allowed the Tormentors to torture you with marriage pressures but I guess that's a sign that they really do like you.

I love you more than anything on Earth, and as eager as they are to chase me out of the house, I'm very eager to have our little life together.

<3

I hate my job. I hate the fact that I have to work with an egoistic bum of a Finance Manager who has had NO experience whatsoever before. (This is his FIRST JOB.)

And a pregnant and emotional lady. Just because she's hormonal.

Just because she's as clueless as the next Jane. And just because she refuse to sack the useless FM, it's causing negativity and lack of trust in the employees on pay matters. People work for pay. And if something as basic as salary can be screwed up, the loyalty and willingness to work for the firm is diminished.

Tell me if I'm wrong. There's many points for discussion here.

My CPF deduction was not done and CPF was not credited into my account for THREE MONTHS.

Everything would have been swept under the carpet and gone undetected had I not checked my CPF account. For those who do not know, CPF is our pension fund of sorts in Singapore.

And I am damn pissed with this matter.

In other companies, such errors would have resulted in an immediate termination of service.

In this company I'm working in now, it's all swept under the carpet. No warning letters, no termination, no reprimanding.

Just a talk one on one, to ask if I COULD HAVE MY CPF DEDUCTION AND CONTRIBUTIONS DONE AND DRAGGED FOR ANOTHER THREE MONTHS.

WTF.

Had I reported this matter to the ministry, the company would have faced a jail term and fine.

But I chose to settle the matter privately, because I knew it was all the fault of the FM.

From then on, my willingness to work in this firm has VANQUISHED.

I'm staying, because I'm looking for a new job. And because workplace is near home, travelling is less of a hassle.

That's all.

Employees have been leaving the firm because pay has been delayed and held by the company although we are supposed to give them their due salary every month.

The firm has been very underhanded and this has caused negative sentiments amongst the staff. Doesn't help that the locals have become more and more xenophobic whilst the firm continues to hire more foreigners.

The need for foreigners in this industry is understandable, as locals don't particularly like working in the service sector.

But the unhappiness of working under a foreigner can be felt and seen very visibly in the office.

Ugh.

I've lost the drive.

On his Autocorrect.

On this count, iPhone is pretty sweet.

Daryl quit smoking for me. I've been bugging him to quit before he could even think of marrying me ( I feel so buay hiao bye for saying this, because till this day I feel that I may not be good enough for him.) but he finally did it.

I can't describe the joy I feel when he finally stopped.

He got really sick one day and he couldn't smoke for a few weeks. I suggested he stop smoking even after that and he did.

Just like that.

I don't deny I have been praying hard for this day to happen. Because I can't bear to say no if one day he does propose but I've already made it clear before that I won't say yes if he continued smoking.

My heart is filled with so much joy.

<3 p="">

Loving him.

The first time we went out on a dinner date alone. The first time we held hands. The first time he volunteered to pick me up from work.

Those wondrous anticipatory quick beats of my heart at the thought of seeing him every time, still beats now, at a stronger, steadier pulse. Because our relationship strengthens daily.

<3

I love him so much!