Upset.

Bust my wounds while going to school, lugging them heavy textbooks.

*Que: Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis.*

Forgot my medication and pain killers. Munched on Nuggets to distract the pain. Rained when I got to school. Had to buy a new purple umbrella for $7.

Sick. Entire body ached from the Hepatitis shots I got from yesterday. Had a shot on each arm.

FUCKING HELL I'M IN PAIN!

Dear Lord, WHY?!?! =(

Went all the way to Bukit Panjang Plaza to study after school hours with Surin, Ricky, Peter and Jason.

Their jokes cheered me up a little and I felt less in pain. But the bleeding got worse. But then at 10pm, I don't think the hospital would admit anyone...

I'm greatful Ricky and Surin sent me home. Cuz if I were to train, I think I would've just fainted from the blood and pain. FML.

I just hope the meds would work wonders and stop the pain for now. =(

God, why did I put in so much effort into this relationship that was never going to work out? It's been less than 5 months, and it's destroying me faster than anything. He never loved me. Now I know. Please Lord, take away all these physical and emotional pain and suffering. Amen.

I've been sleeping alot these past few days, trying to recover from the operation. Vivid, colourful dreams/nightmares of pain and emotional turmoil.

Perhaps those tattoos are just hints of more scars to come, caused by more men.

In my dream, I ate alot of cake. And I got tattooed by Adrian. Of Kois, Willow trees, and Storks. The pain from the tattooing was so real... and it felt like painfully sweet relief from all these stress and emotional pain...

Should I get a new tattoo? But my body has run out of place for them...

They played Star Wars inside me while I wrestled and cussed.

Closed off from love I didn't need the pain

Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain

Time starts to pass before you know it you're frozen

But something happened for the very first time with you

My heart melted to the ground found something true

And everyone's looking 'round thinking I'm going crazy

But i don't care what they say I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that i keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding i keep keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt

Yet i know that the goal is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness i see your face

Yet everyone around me thinks that i'm going crazy

Maybe maybe

But i don't care what they say i'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that i keep on closing

You cut me open and i

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding i keep keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all of me

Oh they find it hard to believe

I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see

I don't care what they say I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth

My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding i keep keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding i keep keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding keep keep bleeding love

UGHS!

My Memory is failing me!

I'd waited for 2 hours at the Polyclinic and was intending to ask the doctor is I could get my Hepatitis shots taken while flu-ish as I am, since I'd made an appointment for Friday, but I FORGOT!

UGHS!

And now I'll have to make another trip down to the polyclinic on Friday to try my luck at getting vaccinated.

Grr...

In utter pain.

Feels like stomach flu. Except the pain is isolated on the left side of my tummy. I don't know what it is...

Puked, yet still in pain.

Was it the mutton curry I had for lunch this afternoon, or was it the burger I ate at Wendy's?

I had Casuarina Curry at Pierce Reservoir this afternoon with Uncle before a short walk at Upper Pierce Reservoir.

Nice place to relax. Very beautiful.

Cal doesn't know how to take care of me.

We went for movie after work. Little Fockers was very funny.

Had Wendy's for dinner. Pain came right after finishing the Cheesy Burger. =/

Cal made me walk home in heels from the MRT station. I was in so much pain I literally curled into a ball in the middle of the road.

He doesn't seem to know what to do with me. WTF.

The last time I had stomach flu, Jabie threw me into a cab to the door step of the 24 hour clinic near his place for a jab.

Maybe it's the vadai I had from Casuarina curry.

I made a wrong decision letting you into my life.

Things would've been different without you. And perhaps, I might be happier.

Meeting you was a mistake. To have you mess with my heart and not give a damn now.

It's all a game to you. Everything's a game.

Grand's in hospital after a long bout of flu and The Tormentors refuse to let me see her.

Is this how a normal family functions? Hide and not tell. Criticize. Insult. Self Centered and Apathetic.

I've been trying for my entire damned life not to be like them. And yet.

HE. Seems to be like them as well.

No wonder they could communicate so well...

FUCKINGHELL I'M IN PAIN!

I'M TERRIBLY AFRAID RIGHT NOW.
I'M IN ABSOLUTE PAIN.
A SHARP STUBBORN PAIN AT THE ROOT OF MY BOTTOM INCISORS' DRIVING ME NUTS.

At first it was just a dull ache. I thought, "No biggie, it might just be due to the impact. Maybe just a mild concussion to the teeth."

BUT NOOOoo.

The ache grew.

A little more insistent and a little stronger as the days wore on.

And now I can't even fucking function with this fucking ache. It's fucking pounding in my mouth. The ache seem to stem from the root of my incisors.

I complained and whined the whole day while at work to my colleagues. Apparently strong impact to the teeth could kill my teeth's root and cause it to rot and turn black a la Liang Po Po.

Geezus.

I'm so going to the company clinic for a referral to the dentist tomorrow morning. This ache is more than I can bear.

I can't imagine my life without REAL TEETH. Veneers cost more than I can afford right now.

*sobs*

Who would want a girl with FAKE TEETH at 22?!

OMG. Imagine DENTURES cuz I can't afford VENEERS.

*sobs*

And left ring finger is so fucked up it's still leaking PUS at night and itching the hell out of me in the day as and when the wound gets in contact with MOISTURE.

shit.

I've a row of ulcers in front of my incisors where I pounded onto when I fell face flat. And the fucking ulcers are throbbing with sharp pain as well.

I've been using Bonjela at work to seal the bloody ulcers up and hoping that it will heal up faster but apparently the pain upon application makes me scream murder.

Even tattooing doesn't hurt so much. At least it doesn't come in combinations of different pain types.

SHIT.

BRAIN-INACTIVATED.

My tummy's getting bigger, while my brain is getting smaller.

With every pounding headache, I could feel my brains shrink.

I'm not pregnant, just getting FATTER.

Doctors at the polyclinics are scared to death of H1N1 though death rate is so much lower than the common FLU.

Tsk.

As a doctor, you should know better, right?

Was at the clinic this afternoon to get my gums checked. My gums had swelled so badly that I couldn't even speak properly.

Had to get it checked. The pain had also started to cause a huge headache and the pain was really starting to incapacitate me.

Saw Farah and Sing Ho in the same RED ZONE as me. I suppose they'd both gotten the flu too.

I blame the stupid weather for it.

A day wasted in the hospital.

Fucking got woken up by the Queen Bitch to go to the hospital because the Evil Grandma was 'dying'.

At 6:30am in the fucking morning.

We got there an hour later, and her heart rate was back to normal, faking comatose.

She refused to open up her eyes, and refused to respond to her children's weeping/screaming/nudging. BUT! She could reach up to scratch herself.

WTF.

Most of her sons and all daughters were present, their daily work routine disrupted, and there she was, in bed, faking comatose.

Everyone stayed till the late afternoon, until fatigue set in, and some of us made our way home.

But apparently the Queen Bitch wasn't too happy about that, and so decided to call EVERYONE down AGAIN within 2 hours.

Dunman High and I barely had stepped into the house before we had to rush down AGAIN.

The E.G was moved to the ICU, because she was running a slight fever. The ICU was dilapidated, with mouldy air vents for air circulation, and a dusty fan by the bed side.

Little wonder to why the patients living in there died quickly.

The second false alarm brought more people into the cramped, stuffy room, and for the first time, I saw new cousins I've never seen before! They're the sons of the eldest son, who though rich, still covets the little money the E.G has in her account.

No wonder the sons came. Maybe he had promised his sons a portion of the money should he get his hands on the money.

Maybe he told his sons, "Just go, make sure that you cry when you see her, hold her hands tightly, and call out her name. Put up a good show, and your aunts and uncles will see how 'filial' you are to your Grandma."

Anyway, everyone's temper was bad after the second false alarm exaggerated by the Queen Bitch, and Shorty and I had the same sentiments that after crying wolf for so many times, most of us would most probably bother appearing when she's really dying.

I guess the Queen Bitch has nothing else better to do than to dramatise the whole thing, and entertain herself with the fragile emotions of her siblings and relatives.

Maybe she just thrives on drama and andrenaline.

(That's why she loves Techno and Horror Shows.)

Another Certain Death.

Uncle in M'sia died of Hemorrhagic Stroke.

The F.F and Uncle N will be flying over to Kuching, Sarawak for the wake. (I hope they buy more Kolo Mee.)

*sigh*

That side of the family are so cancer prone, half of them died of cancer in their late 30's - 40's.

Now the only survivor of a weird eye tumor has to die of stroke. Pity. He never really recovered fully from his eye thingy. His right eyeball was removed and replaced by a glass eye, which made him feel awkward, hence the wearing of sunglasses where ever he went.

He wase such a nice uncle. Buying us Kolo Mee whenever we visited.

I was even there for his wedding when I was 6 with Grands! And his bride was so pretty. The first time in my life, I saw real fire crackers 2 storey high being lit up.

The cracking was deafening, and the popped crackers propelled smithereens of red paper all over the terrace.

But alas, he's now dead, and the last time I talked to him was 5 years ago.

R.I.P.

Hark the Saviour!

Shorty's back for a short stay, presumably because her hostel is pest infested and stale smelling, with chipped walls, menstrual blood stained mattress and pesky Orietation group leaders.

Now that the Queen Bitch has someone to talk to, she no longer has to scream to the four walls or barge into my room just to accuse me of not doing something stupidly trivial (like washing a jam spoon), and interrupt my already very sporadic bouts of revision.

Anyway, I had previously blogged about the over reaction of the family members over Evil Grandmother's stroke in the Old Blog.

Well, as I had expected, SHE DIDN'T DIE!!

Surprise! Surprise!

=.=!!

She has recovered enough to be able to lift her hands to give rude hand signs and open her eyes to stare manacingly.

*Ridicule*

The Queen Bitch's side has been fucking over reacting over her stroke without thinking with their usually (very) logical heads. Pfft.

And anyway, the E.G's been too evil in her lifetime to want to even think of her life after death. She might eternally burn in hell.

Any smart enough person would be able to gauge and know that living on Earth is better than eternal damnation.

Maybe she should consider converting to Christianity to seek more forgiveness before she gives her life up.