A year has passed. And now, most days I'm at peace with myself. Very happy, very calm.

No alcohol reliance anymore, no stress over stupid things I do not love.

I'm blessed and I count my blessings everyday.

Thank you Lord.

Trust & Transparency

I have realised for sometime now, that I have no one to talk to.

No one to bare my soul to, no one unassuming to listen.

Not when my own husband who is supposed to. Because we have different views on things. Because he's not a good listener. Because he throws his tantrums like a kid and it gets on my nerves.

It's almost 4am and sleep is eluding me.

I've enjoyed being a housewife so far and I could only wish I could be this way without the financial stress he's piling on me.

I haven't asked for a single cent from him. And he hasn't volunteered to take care of my finances since our marriage. I find that saddening. He used to promise me that he would support me. But it has disappeared since moving in together.
I feel disappointed. Very let down. I've not asked for anything so far but he has since requested that I look for work. And very under handedly asked his mother to pressure me too, I suspect.

I find this marriage lacking in proper communication and very soon it will all break down.

I beat him up and gave him hell last week for lying to me. And since then I have lost my trust towards him. I really wonder how long we'll last. I loved him when I married him but less than a year in, I'm starting to wonder if this will work out without transparency and trust in this relationship. He's not being transparent with me and I've lost my trust for him.

Òrange meringue pie

http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/25634/orange+meringue+pie

Tried this recipe today and it took me more than 8 hours from prep to finish, mainly because I wanted to take my time and my fridge is too cold everything was frozen.

My custard took longer to set than the stipulated 40 minutes in the oven and 2 hours in the fridge. I chilled it for at least 4 hours.

Sharing this recipe here because I might want to use it again.

Sticky Lemon Chicken Recipe.

Our second proper cooked meal in the house, Sticky Lemon Chicken! We used fresh Rosemary which I harvested from the pot I've been growing out on our balcony. :D 

This is my favourite chicken dish of all time! I'm so blessed to have such an awesome cook for  husband!

Sticky Lemon Chicken with fresh Rosemary

Serves:  4
Preparation Time:  10 minutes
Cooking Time: 25 minutes

Ingredients:

6 Drumsticks / 1 Whole Chicken Chopped into Pieces
Salt & Pepper
Cooking Oil
1 head of garlic, halved horizontally
A few thyme  / Rosemary / mixed herbs sprigs 

2 tbsp dark soy sauce

3 tbsp honey or more to taste
1 lemon, finely sliced 
Handful of flat leaf parsley, chopped (optional)

Method:

1. Score drumsticks and chicken breasts evenly. Season with salt and pepper. Heat the oil in a large pan.

2. Brown the chicken pieces, together with the garlic and herbs, over a high heat for two to three minutes on each side until golden brown.
3. Drizzle over the soy sauce and honey and shake the pan to combine the juices.
4. Pour in a good splash of hot water and add the lemon slices. Let the liquid bubble and reduce down until syrupy, which will take about 10 minutes or so. By now the chicken should be cooked through.
5. Transfer the chicken to a platter, spoon over the sauce and sprinkle with chopped parsley if using. Serve with Sweet Potato Mash or Potato Mash if desired.

Finally, I am loving with my husband in a lovely house given by my Mother In Law. Granted, it is only temporary whilst our flat builds, but I am still very grateful to be given the opportunity to move out and live with my husband.

Really grateful.

I've been having a hard time keeping my spirits up, to be honest. Crying every night is going to make me blind sooner than later.

I seem to have lost my will to socialise. Staying in my room the whole day seems to suit me fine. Making excuses to stay in my room makes me feel safe.

I really dislike human interaction these days.

I can't wait to move out and be left alone all day.

I feel horribly depressed. Did a goldberg test online. It says I'm severely depressed. But i haven't killed myself yet. Maybe tonight will push me to do it.

I'm sorry.

I really miss my grandparents.