I tried to resign after the managers tried to grill me. I had a melt down and burst out in tears in the office.

I'm not happy in the office at all. Even when I meet my clients. I often wonder if I would rather they buy from others after heeding my advice or buy from me since I'll leave sooner or later. Of course, the plans are beneficial to them. But do I want this company to reap the profits?

NO.

Simply because I dislike being there and if I leave, I won't be able to look after their portfolios.

I would love to service them (my clients) but I am not comfortable in my team.

Oh Lord, point me towards the right direction soon. Which career should I go for?

3 months. The stress has never been more.

Health is gone, wealth earned has been returned in the hopes of better returns. But I've come to realize that this isn't what I thought I had signed up for.

What I wanted was independence and freedom of time to generate a passive income for myself.

But what I've been thrown into, is a relentless vicious cycle of stress and targets and the absolute lack of time to do what I want, as and when I want to.

With managers breathing down my neck because of a less than stellar month, I'm off track, off target and absolutely demotivated and unable to handle this amount of pressure.

Corporate pressure is easily handled. But not this money sucking venture.

If I had opted for an office job, I suppose my health would have been in a better shape than now, without the aggravated knee and sleepless nights.

Stress has rendered me infertile from PCOS. And now I'll have to throw in more money to reverse the health damage if I want my own kids on the future.

All from this pursuit of money to get me out of the house.

But I suppose God had a reason to put me through this, because I knew somehow that he had no intention of letting me stay long in this state. He put me into this industry because I wanted to try it out, to make a point.

Now that I have won an award and made a point, there's nothing much else left for me here.

I just need a job for the long term.

Magic typewriter.

I wish I had a magic typewriter.

I'd write myself in full health and with a good happy career that I love which will put food on the table and money in the bank.

I'd write myself a wedding fit for a queen and a good figure for the dress, and a nicely furnished cosy house for us.

I'd write us our dream Jaguar in cream or black. With bulbous headlamps and that statue thing. Cream leather or the normal black.

I wish I could take the stress away and just be happy.

Where does one find such a typewriter?

The male lead, Calvin, reminded me very much of Lizard's hateful character. Self centered, bigoted and selfish as fuck. He does not deserve the typewriter and when Ruby left, I felt sp happy for her. Lol.

I wonder how would D write his perfect dream girl. Because she wouldn't be like me.

He sets my heart a flutter.

Work is stressful. I can't sleep at night from the stress.

Help.

I'm breaking down.

Won the Advanced Award for the month of August.

And only when I'm Advanced Award standard will I earn enough to eat.

$2.5k in commission. For technically a week of actual work.

Pretty worth it, IMHO.

Thank you Lord.

Lord, I ask that if this is meant for me then please make it work out smoothly.

With all these injuries, I'll need the money for my surgery. Amen.

Was getting a massage at Go60 today after work and a long day of meeting.

Masseuse is only 21 and just recently BTO-ed for a flat and managed to get a unit.

Earning just under $2000 a month, her husband and her made the decision to put their entire life on credit for the sake of having a family.

And I wonder why can't we do the same.

Probably because my occupation has no steady income and Daryl is scared as hell to take a leap of faith.

My health is in the gutter, and that makes it harder for me to earn a steady income in this line.

It's shit.

I feel responsible for my clients and I feel guilty should I leave.

But without a steady income, he will never want to commit.

Perhaps I'm really fated to wait till 32 before I'll ever own my own property.

Which probably means a late marriage and no kids, since I don't want to risk the birth of a child with an extra chromosome.

Which defeats the purpose of marriage anyway.

I think I should just vanquish any thoughts of matrimony.

Singularity gives me less problems and stress to deal with.

I'm freaking out.

I'm freaking out because I can't trust myself to be gainfully employed in a mundane 9am - 5pm desk job.

I'm stressing out because this work as a Financial Planner is giving me a lot of pressure. And I'm giving myself more stress than I can handle.

I'm freaking out because my health is crumbling under pressure and the money I earn has been used up for my medical bills.

I'm freaking out because at this rate, I won't be able to save enough for marriage or housing.

I'm freaking out because Singapore is becoming more unlivable by the day.

A pigeon hole for a million dollars is just ridiculous.

I'm better off single at this rate.

To just patiently wait till the age of 35 before I buy my own house.

No care, no worries.