It's upsetting.
He doesn't realize that a wedding venue has to be booked a year in advance, a wedding dress custom made takes a year of fittings to get right and a wedding in Singapore takes years to save up for.
I know in my heart he is the one. That even if Eileen throws a bunch of pilots in my face, I wouldn't waiver, even if a future teller told me he would be wheel chair ridden for the next half of his life, or that I'll risk getting defective babies with him, or getting his Hepatitis should we sex.
I don't give a shit if these happened. Be side I love him.
But I wish he knew these facts. The fact that we live in Singapore and that nothing is cheap except labour, and that if he has no intention of planning ahead with me, we'll be stuck scrambling for an event that will only happen once in a lifetime for most. (Ok, maybe 50%, due to rising divorce rates and Muslim marriages.)
He doesn't realize that it's every girl's dream to have a perfect wedding and for that one day feel like a princess. (Ok, I don't want to be a Princess. I want to be Queen.)
Sigh.
I'm not a stick pole size 0. I can't possibly fit into a rental gown. Customization would prolly have to be done. I don't want to risk looking like a meat dumpling and have pictures taken looking like one that I'll have to hang in my room till the day I die.
:(
I know I haven't found a new job. But that takes time. He said it himself that he would rather I find the right job and be happy than the wrong one and get depressed all over again. But he doesn't realize that he's the one depressing me. Pushing and nagging me to find a job while I'm doing my crucial last paper.
I wish I had someone to guide me career wise. I'm so phobic of working for SMEs. Bad experiences scare me.
I just want to hide in a cave and never come out.
Depression eats me.
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